"Merlin, Inc. technical support. How can I help you?"
"Yesterday I've bought your sword..."
"Congratulations, sir, you've made the right choice!"
"It doesn't work."
"What does it mean - doesn't work?"
"It doesn't cut the dragon's head."
"Have you read the manual, sir?"
"A noble knight have not to know how to read! But my armour-bearer have read it for me aloud twice."
"Well, sir. Have you taken the sword out of the sheath?"
"Yes."
"Is that really so? Check it again, please."
"I've done it, I say to you!"
"Okay, sir. Now check the edge sharpness."
"Ough!"
"You shouldn't do it with your finger, sir."
"What the finger? I've done it with my tongue! I always check a sharp flavour of my dishes like that."
"You see, sir, a sword has a bit different construction than your dinner dishes. The term 'sharp' means here..."
"Don't shit my brain! I'm not obliged to know you technical terms! I'm a user, not a hardware specialist. You'd better answer why doesn't it work!"
"Did it work before?"
"I don't know, I've bought it only yesterday!"
"Okay, sir. Have you done anything with it?"
"No!"
"Are you sure?"
"Well, I only took it out of the sheath."
"Did you try to grind it yourself?"
"What the hell for?"
"You know better, sir. Maybe you tried to install new spells on it?"
"No, I use the default ones, which are supplied with the sword!"
"Maybe it's the spoiling, sir? How long ago have you updated your holy water?"
"I've downloaded the fresh version only two days ago!"
"I see, sir. Then look if there are unscreened sources of black magic nearby. They may create hindrances for the sword."
"What the damned sources?! I'm in the desert!"
"Don't be so nervous, sir."
"Holy shit, I'm not nervous!"
"Then why do you pant?"
"Because the dragon is chasing me!"
"Oh, so the dragon is near you?"
"Yes, he is already QUITE near!"
"Excellent, sir! Give him the receiver."
"And what if he bites my arm off?"
"Sorry, sir, but medical problems are beyond our competence."
"Next time I'll buy a sword of Morgana, Ltd.!"
"Well... okay, sir. Describe at least how the dragon looks."
"Well, he is such... yellow... with moustaches..."
"It's clear now. You should begin with it. It's a non-licensed dragon, a Chinese conterfeit."
"And?"
"Read the license agreement, sir. Merlin, Inc. doesn't guarantee any compatibility with non-certified devices."
"And what shall I do?"
"Don't use cheap no-name dragons anymore, sir."
"Looks like HE is going to use me right now! Aaagh! No! Aaaaa..."
"Sir? Sir, are you okay?... Well, at any case, Merlin, Inc. thanks you for cooperation!"
